I used to say “someday” with this wistful, sad resignation, because whatever I had said “someday” about probably wasn’t going to happen. It was a nice thought, but there wasn’t any real effort toward making “someday” anything resembling “today.”
But I gave up “someday” this year.
I started this blog, after telling myself for years that “someday” I would make my writings public.
I completed my graduate certificate – something I started for me, because I never want to stop learning, and “someday” is a terrible time to further one’s education.
I saw my second wonder of the known world and have set a goal to see my next one by the time I turn 40.
I bought tickets to a Supernatural convention. No more “someday it would be cool to go.” I am going – look for me in Nashville in April!
I faced the deployment that I knew would “someday” come. I survived. My incredible aunt survived. Abby handled it like a freaking rockstar. It changed my perspective and no longer looms forebodingly in the distance.
I acquired furniture for my home that I am really happy with, that I picked out, that doesn’t give the “I am decorating a dorm room” feel.
I went to Hawaii. I paid my respects and cried my eyes out at the Pearl Harbor Memorial and National Cemetery of the Pacific. I saw volcanoes. I hiked to waterfalls. I touched a sea urchin. I saw whales and dolphins and sea turtles. I dealt with my tendency to panic in the water and went snorkeling.
I sang and laughed and cried and loved and made decisions and was present. The passing of a friend and colleague taught me to number my days, and I have done so. I have been more protective of my family time and of the balance I so desperately need in my life, rather than pushing those things off to “someday.”
I just checked the calendar, and “someday” isn’t on there. It isn’t anywhere. It is a wish, fleeting and without foundation. And I have given up on it. I have this one life, ONE LIFE, to live, and I want to make the most of it. I want to see things and talk to people, love the broken and make a smoother path for those behind me. I want to continue building a relationship with my daughter and laying the foundation for the young woman she’s becoming. And I refuse to cast it all on “someday.”
2017, you’ve been many things, but I will forever remember you as the year I gave up “someday.” May 2018 be all the better for the lack of “someday.”